Interview with Brit Stueven

On where she finds inspiration for multiple creative outlets and taking 40 by the reins

This week, I’m so excited to share my interview with

Brit Stueven

, an author, coach, speaker, and event curator in the Denver area. We connected last winter and have spent the past year saying “me too!” to each essay the other writes. Brit, like me, has just turned 40, and in this interview she shares her feelings on 40, childhood passions like collecting the sound of babbling water, how one creative pursuit led to the next, and wisdom from a spunky grandma. (We share a Grandma Dorothy connection!)  

Brit’s mission is to help moms find joy and nudge people to do “that thing” they’ve always wanted to do. She’s led 60+ workshops and online journeys and published a book especially for toddler moms called Mama Be Present: 40 Simple Yet Magical Ways to Find Joy in The Toddler Days. And every other week, you can read her work in Redefining Big, a newsletter that magnifies what matters in this instant, modern life.

Q. Do you mind sharing how old you are?

I’m 40! Bah! 

Q. Do you like being this age better than being younger? How are you seeing this decade?

While the recent lead-up to this crisis-provoking age had me panicking about the speed at which life passes and wondering if it’s time to start paralyzing the muscles in my forehead, I’m happy to announce that I’ve since calmed down. (Not saying Botox-ers are in crisis. I know plenty of calm people who get it. And dang, do their foreheads look smooth.)

And besides the night I felt intense pain in my knee while doing nothing but brushing my teeth (???) and the sneaky chin hairs that JUST KEEP COMING, getting older ain’t so bad.

Forty feels a little more established and confident than 30, 20, and 10 did. A little. There’s definitely a bigger sense of urgency to tackle certain dreams and just SAY the things. I mean, life’s too short to not crack dumb jokes and laugh at yourself!!

Q. Tell me about little Brit. What made you uniquely YOU as a young girl? What lit you up inside?  

Pretty much everything I did as a kid was unique to me. I had 11 imaginary friends, never got in trouble, never ate junk food, and wanted to give all my belongings to homeless people. What else…

· On my second birthday, as all my little friends were opening my presents for me, I was crouched over in the corner, all by myself, digging around in a pile of rocks. 

· On my fourth birthday, all I wanted to do was ride the bus. And that we did. 

· In first grade, as everyone else was playing kickball, jump roping, and skinning their knees at recess, my little friend Mary and I were scouring the ground for, you guessed it, more rocks. 

· Following a good rainstorm, I couldn’t wait to go find a sidewalk stream to listen to. I loved that babbling water sound so much, I’d capture it on a little tape recorder and listen to it later.

I was (and continue to be) insanely observant and wildly appreciative of the most mundane, overlooked things. 

Q. Wow, what great examples! I love to picture you capturing the sound of babbling water to play back later. What role did creativity play in your childhood?

Oh, my gosh. Creativity WAS my childhood. I was always creating something and roping my poor friends into it. If I wasn’t playing restaurant, school, radio station, fairies, or video-taping another rendition of Book Talk with my friend Kelli, I was wearing EVERY hat at a 42-member imaginary club for women. And don’t even make me list out all the things we’d create at my slumber parties! (Magazines, fashion shows, dance routines, Real World episodes, and SO MUCH MORE.)

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Little Brit

Q. I so relate to this line on your Substack “About” page: “If I had it my way, life on this planet would be a big ‘ol pajama party where everyone communicated through dancing.” I would love to join you in that party! I think the world has far too little dancing and far too little real, comfortable talk. On that note, tell me about Pajama Chats. Why were you drawn to the combo of comfiness and vulnerability?

To be vulnerable AND comfortable at the same time is an uncommon feeling, am I right? We live in an image-conscious world that is so quick to criticize. We're continually exposed to facades, filters, and fakeness. It’s rare for someone to be REAL.

So, when I made those videos six years ago, I was craving a different way of doing things. I wanted the kind of conversation that sparks at 2 a.m. at a slumber party — when everyone’s been around each other for HOURS, have now changed into something comfy, and are free to be silly, to create, and share their hopes, dreams, and fears.

Q. Was Pajama Chats your first big creative endeavor as an adult? How did you feel not about the reactions to it, but while you were doing it? 

My first big creative endeavor was actually The Break Changer, which I created a few years prior (in 2015). It started as a 10-day, take-a-break email challenge that morphed into a self-care and productivity coaching business. Every online program and workshop I led was a “pilot.” I was playfully building the plane while I was flying it, taking one chance after another, and having SO MUCH FUN with it. I felt free. I felt adventurous. I felt creative.

I LOVED creating the outlines for the online journeys, making the program emails that contained stories and prompts, finding and taking pictures for them, crafting the in-person workshops (My favorite was “Adult Coloring + Our Inner Critic”), and more. 

I didn’t love selling them (because SELLING), but once people bit and chewed, the impact was evident. And I think that’s why the Pajama Chats discouraged me so quickly. I was used to immediate interaction with The Break Changer content and people telling me it helped them. I didn’t receive that with the videos. So, I assumed they weren’t doing anything. Gosh, did I have a lot to learn!

Q. Is there a way in which Pajama Chats led to your book? If not, what did?

Not consciously. I forgot all about them until someone recently told me they were watching them, loving them, and wondering why I stopped. What?!?!

But hilariously enough, I hoped those videos would help someone feel less alone, give them confidence to do things differently, and experience big stuff from a small, simple action. And that’s EXACTLY what I hope for with my book! Wow. Are you in my brain? 

Plus, after leading a group of moms through joy prompts online, I wanted to give them a non-public, non-digital place to do their own chronicling and capturing. I wanted them to have something they could HOLD and SMELL while they drank their coffee, hid in the bathroom, waited in the pick-up line, and more. 

And for once in my career, I didn’t want something I created to disappear into a digital abyss. I wanted to put something on paper that wouldn’t turn yellow (Oh, hi, old newspaper articles!)...to put something OUT there...to leave a legacy of sorts…and to roll my sleeves up and FINALLY learn how to self-publish.

Q. When you look back on your book writing and publishing process now, what part do you think about most? What do you think will matter to you about it several decades from now?

The design phase. Whether it was in the early morning hours while the boys were sleeping or during the time that my son JeeWoo was at school, I loved sitting at our kitchen table with me, myself, my laptop, and ALL the creative freedom. 

Several decades from now, I bet I’ll be cringing over that one cursive-y font I used, but maybe I’ll see it with the same grace I have when I look at pics from the 80s. Styling our bangs like that just felt right at the time. 

Most of all, though, I hope I look back and see this book as the one that “started it all.” The one that popped my publishing cherry. The one that showed me what’s possible — not only for sharing my own art, but encouraging others to get theirs out as well!

Q. If your elementary-school self could tell you something today, what would it be?

She’d be like, “Great job finally indulging in all the things.” And I’d be all, “Right? What is life without cheesecake?”

Q. If your teenage self could tell you something today, what would it be?

First, she’d say, “I can’t believe you still have those laminated pictures of Leonardo Dicaprio in that floss box painted with nail polish. But I also can.”

Then, she’d scorn me for all the drinking I did in my 20s and beyond. (Never drank in high school. Never thought I would!) But she’d be pleased to know that I’m coming back around again. Slowly but surely, I’m figuring out how much better life can be without alcohol. 

She’d be shocked that this long-time, straight-A student got a D freshman year of college and kept breaking way more rules than that. But after seeing the good things that came from the hard, messy, imperfect things, she’d be proud of me for finally letting go…for finally skinning my knees. 

Q. In what ways are you becoming the person your younger self needed, if that resonates with you? 

When I was young, I was often told I was weird and too sensitive. I felt like I couldn’t really connect with a lot of people. I felt alone in the way I was. But now, all I want to do is help other people feel like they belong. With each passing year, I fly my freak flag a little bit higher, and every time I share a little bit more of ME, I realize that:

1) We all just want to be seen and connected. 

2) We’ve all been standing on our own little islands all along. 

Q. Tell me about the most significant relationship you’ve had with someone older than you. What perspective did you get from that relationship? In what ways are you becoming the person they saw in you, if that resonates?

Oh, man, there’s no way I can pick the MOST significant one. I’ve been blessed with many folks to look up to in this life. My parents are a no-brainer. They’ve taught me so much about love, kindness, encouragement, loyalty, patience, and appreciating the simple things. My gratitude for them is indescribable. 

But when I first read this question, my thoughts went toward someone much older than me and the first person to come to mind was my Grandma Dorothy. (My mom’s mom.)

Q. I had a Grandma Dorothy too! Also my mom’s mom. She was one of the closest people to me growing up, and my daughter’s middle name is Dorothy. Tell me more about your grandma.

This lady was one of a kind. Not only did she play the piano like no other, but she was one of the few women to be in a band in Denver at the time that she was. She’d often play with the Johnny Haws Orchestra at The Stanley Hotel. I still have some of the flyers. 

When I pictured her, I saw her bright red nails clackity clackin’ on the keys of her piano (Which I now have! Ah!) as she played some boogie-woogie with a big ‘ol smile on her face and one of her glitzy sweaters on. Then, as she would always do, I saw her take a quick pause to shimmy and go, “DAH bah DEE, DAH bah DOO, DAH bah DEE DEE DOO” while she pretended to scoop up her boobs from her waist and toss them over her shoulders. (HAHAHA!)

Talk about someone who never held back. She was who she was and brought joy everywhere she went. 

Every time I sit down to share some piano on Instagram Live, or wear something bright and sparkly, or say or do something mildly inappropriate yet oh-so-needed in that moment, I think of her. I can feel her smiling. And I know she’s shimmying. 

Brit’s Grandma Dorothy

Ways to contact Brit and stay connected: 

• https://britstueven.com

• https://www.instagram.com/britstueven

• https://www.instagram.com/mamabepresent

• https://www.linkedin.com/in/britstueven

And check out Brit’s Substack!

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