I have more great interviews in store, but I’m taking a pause because I turn 40 next week, and I want to devote a few posts to what’s coming up around this birthday. I’ve been thinking recently about my tendency, particularly in times of stress, to reread books and quotes from books, rewatch favorite movies or TV shows, and relisten to music. I’ve always been this way. In elementary and middle school, my favorite Anne books and Little House books and Baby-Sitters Club books got worn from rereading. We didn’t watch many movies in my house, but when we did, we rewatched them. The Sandlot and Father of the Bride and Baby Boom played countless times on my parents’ VCR.
I’ve spent years feeling defensive about this habit because of what I think I should be doing instead. Instead, I should always be consuming new television and film and music. Instead, especially as a writer, I should be reading as widely as I can and not wasting any time repeating. I’ve felt countless pangs of guilt every time a friend or colleague or fellow Substacker recommends new content, and (most of the time) I have no temptation to jot it down. I should be more interested and interesting than this, I tell myself. Rewatching and rereading is something for narrow-minded people.
But recently, while novel-writing to a soundtrack of old favorites, I got an idea: What if 40 is the time to stop apologizing for this tendency? What if I dropped the defensiveness and got curious?
I wonder if this is part of my sensitivity trait or introversion trait. It’s certainly not true for my husband David or many other extroverts I know.
Or maybe it’s a trait of its own. We certainly need people in the world who are keen to explore the new and different. But maybe we also need people who can help us find what’s new in the familiar. Isn’t this the beauty of nostalgic remakes?
Here’s what I know: I go to reread or rewatch or relisten in part because I can predict how I’m going to feel, which is helpful for the control-lover in me. But I also pick up on nuances, I learn new things, and often I feel something new. On the whole, I think I’m having a similar kind of experience David has when he starts a new series or audiobook. I’m just going deeper into fewer things while he goes wider into many things.
There’s so much content out there that it can sometimes feel like we are all in a contest to consume as much as possible. But the truth is, we can never consume it all. And there’s no prize for most read or most watched at the end of life. Isn’t life ultimately about learning the same lessons again and again? If we do this by going deep instead of wide, let’s stop apologizing for it.
No need to be defensive or apologize! I have watched Doctor Zivago at least a dozen times, and even named my daughter for the two main women characters! (OK, Lara became Cara two days before she was born for reasons not relevant here, but the middle name stayed put). And I have watched Blazing Saddles even more times than that, each time hearing a clever “joke” I hadn’t noticed the past 20 times! And I have read Atlas Shrugged , Fountainhead, and We The Living multiple times. You introduced me to Atlas Shrugged and it comprises more than a thousand pages! But it never gets old and mirrors multiple periods of time in our country. Dagney Taggart became, and will forever be, my hero and role model. I have reread that book over and over to regain my perspective, confidence, and motivation. So, no, do not feel defensive or apologetic - you are not alone!