“I don’t believe in being realistic”

What if we stop apologizing for having big goals?

“Don’t forget that we become the people we think we are.”

“I don’t believe in being realistic.”

- Renée Rosen, FIFTH AVENUE GLAMOUR GIRL

Since she was born, I’ve been trying to tell my daughter more truths than we often tell kids, holding that would hear my honesty before she could understand my words. It’s also a commitment I made to myself in telling the story of L.M. Montgomery’s life in AFTER ANNE—I went in search of the emotional truth of her life, which required getting uncomfortable.

When I go in search of little-t truth, I always seem to run smack into paradox. I was never going to be sure going into parenthood. AND it was important for me be more sure before I became a parent. No single thing that we do or make in our lives will stand the test of time in a universe where our sun will one day burn out. AND even the most insignificant seeming creation has ripple effects beyond what we could guess.

Another set of conflicting truths I’ve been feeling through recently:

So many of the lessons I’ve learned from the book-launch process have to do with going underneath the ego, with shedding any persona, with pausing for gratitude, with changing my expectations, with not unconsciously moving the goalpost.

But here’s what’s also true: Big audacious ego-driven goals are the stuff of life. Big goals are what the people we admire most in the world had before they did the things we admire them for.  

So why is it that we, especially as women, would rather talk about our underwear than our goals?

The messaging is so familiar it pours out: Who are you to think you can do that? What are the odds? Show some humility. Don’t TELL anyone you want that. Be polite. Be understated. Be effortless.

It’s easy to talk about a goal met in retrospect. But to speak a big goal out loud before it is met? We all raise a collective eyebrow at that woman. The nerve.

Yes, the nerve. The bravery. I loved learning more about Estée Lauder in Renée Rosen’s new book FIFTH AVENUE GLAMOUR GIRL. Estée, as showcased beautifully by Rosen, was a woman with unapologetic stubbornness in her dreams. After years and years of hard work, she became the woman she imagined herself to be from the beginning.

“Don’t forget that we become the people we think we are,” Rosen writes for Estée. “I don’t believe in being realistic.” The bravery of this way of thinking struck me cold.

I can picture so clearly the people growing up who shook their heads at me, literally and figuratively, when I shared my dreams with them. I see how I started going quiet.

It’s important not to move the goalpost on myself without being aware of it. But I’m also tired of the internal voice who says: How dare you think you have what it takes? How dare you not be satisfied with all that you have? Stay humble. (Stay small.)

My little-t truths for the day: Holding a book I wrote in my hands is incredible. Touching one person is enough. Putting the focus on the things I can control and letting go of unhelpful comparisons is life-giving. AND I want to write books that touch enough people that they win awards and become bestsellers.

Head buried. I can barely read this sentence.

But I won’t apologize for it.  

Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed this post or found it thought-provoking (even a little bit), please share with a friend!